………caught between raindrops

It has been raining most of the day. At this point I’m thankful it’s not snow. I think it’s safe to say that the rain signifies my mood for the last couple of days. I’ve had somewhat of an adventure that I would like to overlook or possibly ignore. However, that isn’t possible.

Throughout my life I’ve tried to help people with anything that might be bothering them or holding them back from something that might bring more happiness to them. Although it is always a challenge I’ve never felt like I ran into something that I couldn’t handle. Well, I might have one time, but that’s a topic that would require some deep thought. Over the last month I’ve encountered a situation that I can’t even begin to comprehend. The harder I try to make sense of it the more lost I become.

I’m not sure there’s anyone that I’ve ever seriously helped, but sometimes I like to think that I’ve made a difference in a life or two. More than anything I’ve always tried to be a good listener. Anyone who’s close to me knows that I don’t do very much talking. I keep most of my thoughts to myself. I try to deal with the things that bother me through writing. I tend to be extremely analytical which drives me crazy, such as now. Lately I can sense that someone is crying out for help, but they won’t give me the essential ingredients to allow me to lend my hand and heart to help them along the way. It’s like being caught between raindrops. Although I try to avoid them, they still pelt me on the head as I seek cover. It seems as if I’ve been standing in a steady rain for some time now. I’ve finally realized that there’s no sense in hiding from it. Rather, I look forward to the sunny days that will surely follow.

Sometimes it’s easy to become depressed, especially this time of year. I’ve suffered through my bouts with it this winter. There have been evenings that I’ve laid in bed and thought of everything imaginable to help this person. With every passing day I’m accepting that it’s something that I just don’t have the power to do. When we want to help the people closest to us and we can’t, it can sometimes make us feel like we have failed. Normally I would feel that way, but this time I don’t.  I stayed true to myself. I offered what I could offer and I gently tried drawing out the mystery that lurked behind the surface. It makes me a little sad that there isn’t something I could say or do that would allow this person let the wall down, embrace the help and realize that everyone has internal battles that they’re afraid to confront. However, if we let them lie beneath they will eat away at us and sometimes keep us from experiencing things that would bring great joy, happiness and satisfaction into our lives.

Our past is what defines us. Many of us experience horrible relationships with parents, siblings or lovers. We hold those people responsible for our current condition. We let them control what we do today. Instead of freeing ourselves from the insecurity that these relationships created, we let it sit inside and churn until it destroys the beauty of what we have to offer. Instead of allowing ourselves to love again and live without fear we continuously go back to the drama that was asscociated with our former lives. Everyone is guilty of it, but it slowly takes its toll on some of the best people in this world. Far too many people don’t realize that there comes a day where we are ultimately responsible for all of our actions. Yes, many of us tend to blame others because it’s easier that way. We’re afraid because someone might have cheated on us, abused us or manipulated us. Therefore, instead of letting someone else in, we convince ourselves that over a period of time the new person will follow the same path as the one who mentally destroyed us. I’ve seen this up close and personal two times in the last few years. I’ve seen two different people who had the best of everything to offer anyone, but since their innocence had been robbed, they crawled into a shell and refused to open themselves up to potential hurt. It’s hard to believe many people don’t realize that no two people are alike. Yes, people might have similarities, but they’re definitely not wired the same. That’s what makes all of us unique.

I feel pretty decent about where I’m at right now. I would like things to be a little different, but I can clearly see some light on the road ahead. I’ve had many gray days where I’ve stared in the mirror and questioned my sanity, but that makes me realize that I’m still open to new and different ideas. Although I don’t always follow my own advice I encourage my friend to take a chance. Let the walls fall down and embrace what waits for you. You are a wonderful person and you deserve the very best of what life has to offer. I’m not sure I can help you get to where you’re going, but I’m more than willing to try.

I’ll leave all of you with one last quote for the day. I’m not sure where it ever came from, but I like the way it sounds. “Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.”

I hope my friend leaves the hurt of the past where it belongs, the worries of the future set aside and just lives in the present and takes everything in stride as one foot goes in front of the other. Best of luck and remember that you create your own happiness.  If you think it’s worth having then take a chance……………………….you might be overhwhelmed by the extraordinary things that will come into your life on a regular basis. All of those hidden fears will soon be buried in the past and you’ll wish you jumped forward much sooner.

As for me, I’m a little unsettled because I’ve finally reached a point where I don’t have a clue about what to do next. As I let my mind roll it sometimes picks up so much speed I can’t see it. I’m ready to have a quiet mind again. However, the quiet mind I seek is very hard to find when I’m caught between raindrops every single day.

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