Today was a rough day on more fronts than one can imagine. Dad made his trip to the doctor’s office to find out what’s going on with that horrible cough that won’t go away. After the visit he learned that he has to be tested for everything under the sun to start ruling things out. Hopefully it won’t take long for them to figure it out.
I worked 11 hours today but it seemed like I didn’t accomplish anything. I couldn’t center my mind and it dashed from one thought to the next. When I finally decided to go home I couldn’t remember anything that I had done throughout the day. It’s amazing how we can go from having a relatively quiet mind one week to an overwhelmed and packed mind the next week.
Whenever I think that I have things figure out something comes out of nowhere and slaps me in the back of the head. All of our lives are based on timing. Some of the best things in our lives come about because of perfect timing while other things are lost in the shuffle because of horrible timing. There’s nobody that’s exempt to the results of good or bad timing.
Timing affects all aspects of our lives just as split second decisions do. Today as I sat at a redlight on my way home from work I recalled an incident at the same redlight from four years ago. I still remember the day. It was late afternoon of New Year’s eve in 2006. I was in the beginning stages of what would turn out to be an eye-opening and mind-boggling divorce. Not only was I lost in my own sorrow, it was also the same night of what would have been my anniversary.
I was coming down the hill toward the redlight that day. There was a slight coating of snow on the road and I glanced ahead at the redlight. My mind was a zillion miles away in someplace that I had never been. I really don’t know what I was thinking about. I looked up at the light and noticed that it was as red as Rudolph’s nose. I didn’t acknowledge it and continued on. Just as I got into the intersection of the main road I realized what I had done. I quickly glanced to my left and saw an 18-wheeler coming straight at me at what I guessed to be 50 mph. Although I saw it coming I never reacted………I just kept on driving.
Within seconds I was horrified. I realized that I came within a few feet of most likely losing my life. I realized that timing is everything long before that day but I was assured of it after that incident.
The timing of everything in our lives leads to something else. My divorce led to me writing and publishing my book. Without that experience I would still be doing the same old thing and living in a routine. I would be a single candle in the window of an empty home on Christmas Eve. I’m not sure if I would be better off or worse off if I was still there. In the end it is what it is and new doors have opened for me.
I had a very long conversation with a friend of mine today. It was one of those conversations that was filled with happiness and a little sadness at the same time.
Throughout the conversation I thought about the whole timing thing again and this was before I even stopped at the redlight on the way home when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I’ve always tried to help people with any problems that they have. If I’m able to give some insight or lend a hand I’m more than willing to do so. There have even been a few times when I sat there without anything to say because I simply didn’t know what to say.
I feel very fortunate because I’ve helped people with lost pets, parents, siblings, friends and lovers. We all go through it and it’s nice for people to know that they have a person who will listen and offer thoughts from their past that might be similar.
When my world caved in it was nice to see that I had so many people who wanted to help me. I accepted some of it, but for the most part I figured I would keep things to myself and take it on the chin. Heck, I can handle anything……..or so I thought.
My mind has been jumbled lately. I think it might be time to start talking again. My conversation today was nice because it was unbiased and non-judgmental which is something we all need once in a while.
I used to think that I was one of the few people that often felt alone. I’ve realized that many people feel that way. I’ve also realized that a few special people take that feeling away, even if it’s only for a few fleeting seconds here and there. Is it right to ignore the feeling or is it better to acknowledge it?
I’ve made a habit out of ignoring it, but lately I just sit there and smile. I’m not sure where the smile comes from or why it’s there. In the last few weeks for the first time in a very long time I actually felt fully “Alive.” I felt a small bit of satisfaction in knowing that maybe I do make a difference in a few lives.
I’ve basically babbled for the last half hour and if you haven’t noticed I’m completely lost so I think it’s time to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I’ve done that for hours on end in the past and for some reason I think those days might be sneaking up on me again. I’m somewhat lost, but I know where I’m going if that makes any sense. Sometimes when we’re driving on curvy roads we want them to straighten out so we can push the gas pedal closer to the floor. It’s something that’s not possible but we hope for it anyway. I’m on that road right now.
I’ll leave you with this link to a song that makes me smile. It’s by Rob Thomas and it’s called “Little Wonders.” Life is full of Little Wonders that we’re all able to experience. I’ve been very lucky to experience a few of them lately. Until the next time try to remember, “The past isn’t usually as bad as we remember and the future won’t be as good as we anticipate. Live in the present because the present is a gift.” If you try to follow this as a guideline life will bring you where you’re meant to be. It might take a while to get there, but something or someone will surely guide you there. Be patient and enjoy the journey.