Well, here we are in the new year. What’s the old saying? Out with the old, in with the new? I think it’s something like that. The new year usually brings about a lot of hope for many people. Within a few weeks that usually fades and people find a way to get back into their same old routine.
The last couple of weeks have been mind boggling for me. I haven’t slept very much. I’ve been staring at the ceiling quite a bit and asking for answers. I’m not sure whether I’m asking the ceiling, myself or a higher power. No matter what I’m doing I know it’s something I have to figure out on my own. After all, we are all responsible f or making our own decisions and standing by them as time moves forward.
I’ve decided to write another book. I know that it will take a lot of time and dedication to complete the project. Unlike many others, I will finish the project that I have started. I’m sure it won’t be easy and at times it won’t be fun, but the finished product will be worth the effort. In some small way the support from friends and family along the way make the journey that much sweeter.
Last Thursday I had to go to my buddy’s house in Saratoga. Many years ago he called me for archery lessons. I had a business card in a few different places and he picked one up and gave me a call. I was more than willing to help him because I could tell that he truly wanted to learn how to shoot better. After a brief discussion I learned that we had both graduated from the same college, but more than a decade apart. He was much younger than me.
I started helping him and he quickly caught on. He was a very good student and I enjoyed helping him. That incident was about 10 years ago. Since then we have become very close friends. When I was in the bottom of the barrel he had the ability to make me laugh no matter what I was feeling at the time. I really believe that everyone needs a friend like that.
Anyhow, back to my trip to his house. I have known for a while that he and his wife have been trying to have a child without much success. They’ve experienced some highs and lows in the process, but right now things seem to be at a stand-still where a little negativity might be creeping in.
I can feel the pain, but in a very different way. I always wanted my own children, but I chose not to have them because I just didn’t feel that it was the right thing to do at the time. I can’t say whether I’m glad or sad that I made that decision. I do know that I have missed out on one of the greatest things in life, which is giving love to a child that love created. I mean really…………..does it get any better than that? I’m sure you all have answers to that question and some of the answers might not be positive, but I like to think that it would have been awesome.
My friend and his wife are two really good people. On top of being good people they are a great couple. There’s not many couples that deserve to have a child as much as they do. I pray for them every night that it will happen when the timing is perfect.
The whole ordeal brings up a question for you to think about. It’s very easy to see that death has no favorites. When it’s your time it’s your time. Cancer doesn’t just happen to bad people. It happens to ALL types of people. Sometimes life doesn’t seem fair and in all reality it’s not fair. I’ve watched my mom struggle from day to day for the better part of 20 years. She’s the greatest woman in the world with the largest, loving heart that anyone could ever imagine. Why does she have to suffer? It might be because she has the ability to overcome where so many others do not. So many others just want to quit the fight and give up. Quitters never win and winners never quit.
I also don’t understand why people that can’t bring a child up in a loving environment are able to have multiple children, yet my friend and his wife are having an extremely hard time and they would be some of the most loving parents in the world. I used to wreck my brain trying to figure out why these things happen. Over time I’ve steered away from it because it can bring you down if you let it in for too long.
I’ve thought a lot about their situation. Something inside me tells me that they will be able to have their own child. I’m not sure where the feeling comes from, but I feel very confident that I’m right.
However, if they’re not able to produce a child on their own there must be some underlying reason because you always hear that everything happens for a reason, even if you don’t know the reason at the time. Of course I always search for the reason for everything. That’s why people say that I’m an over-thinker.
When I was thinking about this subject last night while I was staring at the ceiling I came up with one possibility. My friends are some of the most wonderful and caring people on the planet. As I said before, many people that shouldn’t have kids do and they are lost in an uncaring, unloving environment. I thought to myself that just maybe the two of them are supposed to help someone see how great life can be if you are loved. Many of these kids that I write about end up in foster homes or elsewhere. There are thousands of children waiting to be adopted. Although it’s nowhere near the same as producing your own child on an emotional level, the love you can give to a child can be the same. I have a few friends that were adopted as children. They have wonderful parents and these friends are thankful for their parents. It’s almost amazing for me to watch from a distance. If I’m wrong about my buddy and his wife being able to have a child I hope they keep this option open, just because of what they could give to a child.
No, life is not fair. Sometimes it makes me angry and other times it makes me sad or happy. You never know what might happen from day to day. Every day is a chance for you to start on a new adventure. You’re in total control of what you do with your own life. You might not be able to control some of the finer details, but you can control how you react to certain situations.
I’ve had many things happen to me in my life that I will never understand. It all started when I was quarantined in a hospital room when I was 6 years old. I had to wave at my family outside from my third room window. I was only little, but I went along with it because I didn’t have a choice. Then, I found out I was diabetic. My parents cried because they thought they had failed as parents. They didn’t know what they were going to do and they felt bad because they thought it was their fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault because there are no favorites in this world. I’ve experienced a handful of traumatic events in my life. Still, to this day, I wonder “Why me?” about a few of them, but I don’t over-analyze it. If I did, I would drive myself crazy. All I do is hope that the people that truly care about me will accept me even with all of the faults that I have, whether the fault was self-induced or genetic. For some unknown reason I was chosen to battle against some strange things that many others were not. I’m not sure if these things have made me timid, shy, self conscious or a variety of other things. The only thing I do know is that I’m a good person inside. If people pass that by that’s their own decision and I can’t do anything about it.
When I was talking to my buddy the other day I thought about a quote that someone gave me when I was going through my divorce. It read something like this: “Sometimes the most devastating and traumatic events in our lives bring us the most amazing and unimaginable blessings.” I can only hope that this becomes true for this couple. I know there’s something waiting for them even if I don’t know what it is yet.
I learned another thing during that rough patch of my life that oddly enough came up in a conversation I had earlier this week. No decisions are hard, especially ones that are really close to your heart. No matter what decision you make there’s always going to be someone who is hurt. I was hurt very badly by that one decision that was made, but my life has taken an unbelievable turn. I’ve been able to write and publish a book and now I’m beginning another one.
Simply put, there are no answers for many things that happen through the course of life. It can cause us great pain and sadness if we let it consume us. We can also do things to help ourselves and others on the journey. Never give up hoping because without hope life is nothing. Miracles come from everywhere. Sometimes they’re gently placed in our laps. Sometimes we have to be beaten down to experience them. Sometimes they drop out of the sky without warning.
Just as life isn’t fair and it’s hard to make sense of……………..Miracles do happen. It’s our job to never give up and recognize the miracle when it appears. Sometimes it’s not as obvious as other times. Don’t miss your miracle when it shows up.