It’s late Wednesday night. I can’t sleep so I decided to write with hopes that it will make me tired. For some reason there are a ton of things on my mind. There’s not one thought that stays long, but there are many that frantically jump from side to side inside my head.
I’m not sure where to begin with so many things going on. It seems that a few of my family members are facing uphill battles, while some of my friends have encountered obstacles that will need a lot of guidance and care to help them through.
I’ve always worn my emotions on my sleeve in my writing, but I’m a totally different person in the outside world, where interaction with others is sometimes very difficult for me. For many years I lived in fear of saying anything because I knew that no matter what I said it would be turned around and given its own meaning. Eventually I became somewhat hopeless and was lost, without a clue where to turn. When I started thinking about everything I said, it became robotic. As more time passed I got to the point where I didn’t say much at all. I tried to show my support in short, simple ways without bringing anything else to the table.
It wasn’t until years later that I realized how so many different people react when you don’t do what they think you should do in certain situations. I always think back to the times I was always asked where I wanted to go on vacation. I didn’t really care as long as I went someplace with the person I loved. When I did recommend a place it seemed as if it was never the right place. Although my opnion was asked my response wasn’t necessary. Every time I said I didn’t care where we went I always got spoken to about making a decision for once. It was extremely difficult to tell the person that I tried, but I was always shut off. Eventually I quit responding. After all, I would have loved to travel across the Rockies in Yellowstone Park or observe the glacial fields in Glacier National Park, but I knew that those ideas would never fly.
I know that many people don’t know how to take me. When others are facing battles it’s so hard to talk because I always go back to the days when I never said the right thing. Therefore, I try to keep it simple and show my concern for them through simple conversation about the battles. I know that when I need someone I just want them to listen to me while I talk. I kind of live the same way. I figure if someone needs me they will just want to talk. I consider myself a fairly good listener.
I have a family member going through hell right now. She thinks she has lost her mind with nowhere to turn. Sometimes it’s a matter of having a little patience. We all want problems fixed as soon as possible, but problems usually take a while to sort out. I think you can relate it to growing pains. This is a situation where I don’t even know what to say. I don’t have a clue about any of the topics she’s facing and quietly I just want her to know that I do care even though I don’t say much.
Unfortunately when we don’t say much people take that as being uncaring, rather than simply not knowing how to deal with the situation. We hold them accountable for making us feel like they don’t care. We must all learn to love our friends, family and lovers uncontditionally.
If any of you read my entry last March on “My Little Tree” you would see that I found a tree, brought it home, planted it and loved it unconditionally. The tree never disappointed me and I never disappointed it. This is very much the same with pets. My dog bites me occasionally because he’s a little cranky, but I still love him. I know that he doesn’t know any better and it’s all a part of who he is as a dog. Sometimes he wants to lounge around and sleep and other times he wants to run around like a madman. No matter what he chooses to do I’m ok with it. This is so simple to do because he can’t talk. When things can’t talk it’s much easier for us to remain on the same path. We don’t jump to conclusions about the actions of others and we don’t try to figure out what someone meant by something they said or did. I have never had any expectations with my dog or my tree which makes it so easy to love them unconditionally. The last time my dog bit me I was a little perturbed for a few minutes. But at the same time I looked at him and smiled because of all the times he simply made me smile. I could never ask from him more than he can give. He can’t talk, so he barks when he must tell me something. I have to acknowledge that and help him.
People are very much the same. Although people don’t always do what we expect or want, we must also be thankful for what they can give. There are many different people in all of our lives and each and every one of them reacts differently to certain situations. We have to learn to take the positive parts and let those things be the reward for us. What might seem little at the time, could probably bring a whole new light if we took a step back, realized how thankful we were, even for the little gesture and learned that usually people do what they’re the most comfortable with. Some people are more comfortable with others in certain situations. Some people have a very hard time dealing with any serious issues in life and clam up, while others let it all out.
That’s the amazing thing about friends and families. With all of these people helping us in their own way we can gain a wealth of knowledge about them. If a person is quiet about certain things it probably means that they like it quiet when they are dealing with similar siutations. Although it’s unfortunate many people just don’t know what to do. We can try to guide them or tell them, but due to prior experiences there’s something that makes them much more reserved than the normal person.
As we all go forward let’s realize that the simplest gesture from a quiet person might just be what they consider a treasured jewel. We have to have the ability to understand the actions of people even if we don’t fully understand their intentions. It will make all of us better in the end.
To my relative who is pulling her hair out right now……….it will be ok. You have all of the tools that are necessary to harness what’s in front of you. Don’t add to your stress by imagining all sorts of bad things. Positive thoughts bring positive things. Time will take care of this.
And for my friend who is going through something right now that is as overhwelming as any battle that can ever be fought…………..dig deep and find the strength that you have inside. You have to remain positive and cherish every minute of every day. You have the ability to surpass all expectations and find a way to come out on top. The road will be bumpy, but it will guide you as long as you don’t stop. Continue putting one foot in front of the other and praying every night as you rest your head on your pillow. Remember that it’s ok to show your weakness at times, just don’t let it consume you.