It has been a while since I’ve had time to write so I chose to jot down a few things tonight before hitting the sack. It seems like I’ve been too busy lately without anything to do if that makes sense. I’ve found myself gazing into the future on a regular basis over the last month. I’m not sure it’s a good thing, but it’s something I need to do right now.
I’ve set a goal for having my book formatted with the picture boxes drawn. I hope to have it done by July 11. I’m going to make that my number one priority right now. I’ve wasted too much time doing nothing and it’s starting to get under my skin. I need to move forward before I let anymore time slip away.
When I was cleaning the other night I came across a few quotes that I had written down and stored in a book. One of them spoke of staying true to yourself. After I read it I let it slowly sink in. I’ve seen many people change who they are in order to make someone else happy. Instead of being themselves and living their own lives they try to become what they think someone else wants them to be. I was probably guilty of that in the second half of my marriage. I didn’t know what way to turn and I gave up a lot of who I was. I became someone I didn’t like and I lost my ability to smile every day. I was so deeply involved I didn’t realize what I was doing. I lost touch with myself and rolled into a place that I never want to go again.
After I got away from that and started rediscovering who I was my smile gradually came back. As I got my haircut one day my stylist told me my best feature was my smile. I had never heard that so I asked around to see if other people thought the same. Well, after a thorough examination I guess that’s my best feature. Almost everyone agreed.
Along the way I had lost my ability to smile. In many ways it was because I didn’t like where I was or where I was going. I went to the woods to find the answers and more often than not I never found what I was looking for. I stood in the backyard and launched arrow after arrow for hours on end. I did it because it brought me inner peace and tranquility. I was in my own world and nobody could enter that sacred area. I was there by myself. Although I shot hundreds of arrows it became a natural act. I didn’t think about it and the only reason I did it was to relieve the constant monkey chatter in my mind. My mind that never rests. The monkey sometimes sat on my head, flicked my ears and pulled my hair. Every once in a while he would put his hands over my eyes at the last second to see if I could still send an arrow into the center. Somehow I managed to get the job done. I blocked out all outside interferences and found solitude behind the string. Day after day, arrow after arrow I stood in the yard for a reason.
It’s funny, but my interest in archery has definitely taken a backseat. I’ve recently picked up other hobbies and there are many other things that I would rather do. Although I still like to shoot I don’t put anything into it. Here we are in the end of May and I haven’t even been to a 3D shoot yet this year. Sunday will be the first one and that will be the NY State Championship.
It’s amazing how much something in our lives can change everything else. If I had never went through my divorce I sure as hell wouldn’t be writing in this blog right now. I wouldn’t have tackled the project of self publishing my book either. My biggest chore of all will probably begin about a year from now. Although I’m excited I’m also scared to death. As with anything though I know that I just have to dive in and see where I end up. I’m sure the old archery habit might become quite active again at that point in time, but I’ll have to wait until I get there to find out.
I have a busy month ahead, but I’m thankful for everything that has happened in my life to allow me to have all these things to do. Sometimes it’s hell in the hallway to get to the other side, but after you walk on hot coals anything is possible. With every passing day I’m gaining more inside than I ever could have wished for.
I’m glad that I was given plenty of new opportunities in life. I welcome each of them as they are presented and I will surely see many more on the road ahead. If you’re ever down and out always remember that your life is what you choose to make out of it. We all come across different paths to follow. It’s up to us to follow the ones that will bring us the most happiness and joy. Don’t think too hard about it or stress out about everything. Rather, do what brings a smile to your face and keep marching forward. When you look back at the tracks you left behind you’ll be amazed at the mountains that you have climbed. Day by day. I’m still climbing and the fresh air that enters my lungs is more than I could ever ask for. I can see the summit in the morning sky, but I’m not in any hurry to get there because I’m enjoying every bit of scenery on my way. My feet are sore, my back is aching and my ankles are swollen, but my joy of life makes all of the pain disappear……………the pain is in the rear-view mirror with nothing but sunny skies ahead.