Todd Mead’s Blog

March 14, 2011

Hope Awaits You on the New Path

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 6:45 pm

Time got away from me tonight. Before I knew it I was looking at the clock and it said 8:30. Today has been one of the toughest days I’ve had in as long as I can remember. One thing after another has piled on top of me. I feel like I’m buried under layers of dirt. I’m barely breathing, but I also know that it’s only temporary.

For a long time tonight I stared at the flame in the fake fireplace and rocked back in forth in the rocking chair. It was well before daylight when I started. When I finally got up to move it had been dark for at least an hour. I didn’t do anything but stare at the flame. I could feel the heat on my legs. Besides that, I couldn’t feel a thing. My body was limp and I felt lifeless, like a dog without a home.

Throughout my life I’ve been amazed at how people can turn things around that you say and give them a totally different meaning. They give life to a sentence that had no substance behind it. The person doesn’t even try to comprehend what you’re saying. Instead they turn the words around to fit into something that makes sense in their world or something they think is going on. It’s really sad because then you end up trying to defend everything you’ve said. Once it starts it’s an endless cycle that causes all sorts of confusion, chaos, hurt, anger and distrust.  There’s no sense in taking everything that is said so literally that it’s almost impossible to speak about anything.

A few times during the last week I’ve felt like cutting my tongue off just so I couldn’t speak and wouldn’t have to speak. Anybody that knows me well knows that I’ve always been extremely shy and quiet by nature. I don’t require any attention and I don’t seek it either. Instead, I would rather sit around, mind my own business and do my own thing.  Many people take it as being arrogant or cocky. I like to consider myself a thinker who prefers to be alone.

I’ve received advice from everyone under the sun lately. It’s starting to weigh on me. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions, standing behind them and following through. Yes, I’ve made a few bad choices along the way, but I don’t regret anything I’ve done. We all learn from anything that we do. If we don’t learn then we will probably repeat many mistakes, which over time will take their toll on us.

I’m glad that spring is almost here. Every year spring brings new life with it. Things turn green and new life is visible all around us. It’s a refreshing feeling after dealing with a few months of winter. During the winter we sometimes get depressed. We let the weather bring us down even further.

I have a great feeling for this spring. Something inside me tells me that something good is going to happen to me. I’m not even sure where it will appear or why. It could be something as small as a phone call from a long lost friend from elementary school or it could be as large as winning a 150 million dollar jackpot in the lottery. I’m not sure what the good thing will be, but I’m almost certain it’s waiting for me. It’s waiting for the perfect time to alight upon me and quietly tell me that it has arrived.

Sometimes the smallest things bring us joy. We don’t need much to keep us happy. However, it only takes a few bad moments to bring us down and keep us there. It can be easy to lay under a log and hide from the world. We have to remember that new things await us no matter where we’re going.

Every day is a new day. We should wake up and get ready for a new adventure.  I didn’t know what to expect today. I wasn’t in the best of moods when I got up. I was somewhat startled when I almost wrecked my vehicle by hitting a deer. When I swerved to miss the deer I knew that a little bit of luck had just passed through me. I was thankful for that.

As with any day there were ups and downs, but here I am at the end of it. There weren’t any major catastrophes and I’m ready for a new start tomorrow. What I didn’t find today, I might very well find tomorrow. I try not to get too high or too low. The highs and lows usually even themselves out and in the middle you find a lot of quiet time to reflect.

I used to be very scared of taking any chances. I’m still not a big risk taker, but I will take a few risks now if I think it might improve some areas in my life. As spring rolls in over the next few weeks I encourage you to recognize a few of the things that come to life with the warmer weather. As you watch the process unfold remember that your life follows the same path. You can stay in the dark, cold and gray days of winter or you can walk into the woods and create a path for yourself. If you worry about struggling you will paralyze yourself into believing that you can’t get to where you want to go. If you use the help of others and decide that it’s ok to walk on the unworn path you might just see all sorts of incredible new things come to life around you. Green is good. Green symbolizes hope, so if we take a chance and leave the old behind we might just find new life in our hope. Best of luck on your journey. Maybe I’ll see you on the path in the forest because I always have hope.

March 13, 2011

Be Smart Enough to Save Yourself

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 6:44 pm

I haven’t written in my blog in almost a month. A few people have asked why and to be completely honest I don’t have a good answer. I haven’t really had the time, but somehow that answer doesn’t seem very satisfying. It seems like I’ve been writing more than I ever have the last few months. Unfortunately, it also feels like I haven’t accomplished much.

I’m making steady progress on my book. That’s all I did today. It felt good when I called it a day and looked back at what I had accomplished. If I get a few more of those days behind me I’ll be in good shape. I’m not sure what to expect. I usually read everything that I write a few times, but I haven’t read any of what I’ve written yet. I think I’ll just wait until I’m finished and start from there. I’m hoping to be surprised.

The last month has been a whirlwind of sorts. I’ve experienced every type of feeling that a person can have. I’ve been on top of the world as well as in the bottom of the barrel. I’ve lost a few people and I’ve had some friends lose loved ones as well. Although it’s a fact of life that we can’t avoid, it doesn’t lessen the pain any.

I’ve also been caught in a few situations where I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I could do is sit back and listen. Sometimes when I don’t know what to say I try to listen because that’s all people need at times. I’ve always been the type of person that thinks I can save the world. I think that I have some super-human power that allows me to help everyone. I’m not sure how I ever came to feel that way, but in the last month I’ve realized that I can’t really help or save anyone. If anyone wants to do something they have to take it upon themselves to open new doors, leave things behind and go forward with an optimistic view on life and no fear of failing.

I recently spoke with one of my friends after they went to therapy. They were telling me about some of the questions that they had to answer for the therapist. It’s amazing how much we can learn from the way other people answer questions. It’s even more amazing to realize how far apart our lives can be from someone else close to us when we don’t even realize it or choose not to acknowledge it. I’m a firm believer that people have to have the same types of things in their minds as to what will make their lives successful.

It’s amazing how some people don’t have a clue what they want to do or where they want to go in life. I’ve always had goals of some sort or another. I’m determined to reach my goals and I will do whatever it takes that is necessary to achieve them. It sounds so simple, but it’s so difficult for the vast majority of people to do. Instead, people want to lounge around, do nothing and watch time waste away. I see it much more in the younger generation, even though it does exist a little in mine as well. The early to mid 20s generation seems to think that everything should be handed to them. They don’t have much drive to succeed and many of them are extremely selfish. Of course, I’m only basing my opinions on the people that I encounter on a daily basis, so it’s probably not a fair assumption to classify all of the generation into one.

I’ve listened to a lot of people talk over the last month. I always enjoy listening to people talk. It’s probably because I can remain quiet and not say a word. The less I say the more likely it is that I won’t say anything that will piss someone off.

Sometimes I would like to voice my opinion, but I just let it ride and don’t say a single word. The thoughts race through my head like the ball in a pinball machine. I can’t slow them down and probably wouldn’t if I could. I’ve noticed that a lot of people have a hard time moving forward because they feel sorry for someone. The “someone” might be their friend, lover or spouse. They might even feel sorry for themselves which creates even more problems.

In many of the conversations I’ve had recently I’ve heard the same thing over and over. The real issues are covered up by making excuses for other people or trying to protect other people. No matter what age you are you become responsible for your own actions when you are an adult. You can’t continue going through life pointing fingers at other people. It’s not longer your parents fault, your ex-lover’s fault, the fault of your upbringing or whatever other excuse you find to fall back on. It’s your fault. Own up to your shortcomings and do something about it.

If people continue to make excuses for the actions of people around them they get sucked into feeling sorry for the person. They can’t move along in pursuit of happiness because that person has cast a spell over them which doesn’t allow them to feel for themselves. Instead, they worry too much about the other person. They don’t want to hurt the person. They’re afraid the person won’t be ok alone. They make excuses that they don’t have any friends for family that will be their for them. The excuses pile up and underneath them the protection remains, simply because someone feels sorry for someone else who can’t take care of their own well-being.

Before long the person doing the protecting loses their own identity. They get lost on their journey through life. They might come across some of the most amazing things in the world, but they won’t open up and let these things become a part of them. Instead, they worry about the helpless, the people without any direction. They think they can save them. They hold onto hope that they’ll become somebody they’re not. I think it would be much easier to associate with people like myself. People that I know that I gel with and people that bring out the best in me as I bring out the best in them.

It’s very hard to give advice in situations like this. The topic of love has come up many times in some recent conversations I’ve had. A person told me they had never loved anyone as much as they love the person they’re with, which I understood. However, the person also knows that the other person is not good for them at all. There have been all sorts of issues that are beyond imaginable. Things have been done that can’t be taken back or repaired. Sometimes you have to accept that you made a mistake, say thank you for the time you gave me and move on in pursuit of what makes your life more satisfying and gratifying. It seems so easy, but it’s so hard for people to do.

After I thought about the love conversation I began to realize that the examples given to me and everything that has happened in the relationship is not true love. It’s probably more like deep feelings, but not real love. Real love is not harmful, painful and hurtful. When you experience love to its fullest you don’t degrade the people you’re with and argue over simple things. Instead, you find a way to work toward solutions that will better your relationship. You support each other and motivate each other to succeed. If you’re with someone without any self motivation it makes these things impossible. There’s no possible way that one hand can wash the other, because one person simply can’t get off their own hands. You’re in two drastically different places on a mental level. It’s obvious when two people don’t have the same mental capacities. It usually leads to a lot of arguing, name-calling and someone feeling like they have to control the situation.

I wish that I had thought of those things when I was in the middle of the conversation. Rather, I sat there quietly and listened. I told the person that I understood and didn’t have a whole lot to offer.  One day when I was aimlessly driving around I thought about it and understood that this person has a false perception about the love that they’re feeling. I can’t imagine how this person would feel if they had someone who gave them the same things in return. If they think they have never loved like they do now, they would probably be on cloud 9 when they found the real meaning of a mutual and caring relationship where their partner’s main purpose was to support them and help them succeed while they did the same in return.

I could probably go on and on tonight because I’m on a roll. I guess it just riled me up a little after I really thought about it. It’s too bad I didn’t come up with anything insightful to say at the time. Once the time goes past we can’t get it back, which is why I’m writing about it tonight. I hope the person figures it out on their own that they deserve so much more than what they currently have. They deserve to be surrounded by a person who has the same goals in life and someone who can motivate and support them.

I need to start writing more on here. I’m not sure if I’ll find the time, but I will try my best. Keep moving forward. If you gotten a little off track and fallen in quicksand don’t be too proud to grab the rope that is thrown to you. We all make mistakes.  The people that learn, grow and succeed are the ones that realize they’re sinking and find a way to get back on solid ground. Yes, people might get hurt. People might get angry. You will never make everyone around you happy. There will always be at least one person, maybe more, who will be ticked off, but in the end it’s your life. Why would you stay on a path that is loaded with quicksand that is waiting to engulf you. Wouldn’t it be much easier to walk hand in hand on solid ground with someone who you can connect to on all levels? You be the judge!

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