I don’t feel well tonight. It seems like I’m in the rut that comes along once a year. I don’t have very much ambition and I feel tired.
I come home from work, sit in the recliner and fall asleep. After I eat dinner I can’t find enough strength or will power to do anything constructive. I’m not sure if I’m still feeling under the weather from the surgery or if it’s just a mid-winter lull. Since the surgery I haven’t felt the same amount of energy that I normally take with me from one day to the next.
I spoke to three friends last night about vacations. I told each of them how much I missed going on a winter vacation like I used to. The vacations always broke up the winter. It felt refreshing to go away and relax in a totally different environment. It probably would have been easier if I didn’t have to deal with diabetes, but it was still fun. I let my mind free itself of the distracting thoughts I encountered while grinding through work every day.
As I discussed vacationing with one of my friends she said that she would also like to go on vacation, but she would have to wait until her dog got a little older. He couldn’t handle being alone for a week while she was away. Since she is just getting used to having a pet I kept from laughing even though I wanted to say something. Instead of saying what I wanted I casually went along with her idea that it would probably be a few years before she would be able to do something without having to worry about the dog. Since we’ve been friends for quite a while I’ve been able to see her actions from a distance and a recurring theme always comes to the forefront.
No matter what the circumstance might be something always comes up which holds her back from doing most things that could be enjoyable. I’m not even sure if she knows that she makes up excuses. I mean really, I’m pretty sure the dog would be fine if she found a good place to have him boarded for the week. I understand her concern, but before you know it the days turn into months and the months turn into years. Then you will look back on a lifetime of missed opportunities. She could go away with her friends or even by herself and have an enjoyable time, but no matter what she finds an excuse to stay put.
I can’t figure her out. It’s probably because we are two drastically different people. I’m the type of person who will go someplace if I have an opportunity as long as I will be doing something that will be fun. I’ve learned that when you keep putting things off and saying you’ll do them in the future that many times life really does get in the way. People become ill. Family structures change. People lose their jobs and others get taken from us at the most unexpected times. We can’t control any of those things. However, we can control what we do with our lives.
Sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to take chances. We have to step into places that are a little beyond our comfort zones. We have to be willing to realize that we can only stop ourselves. We can use our pets, work commitments, hobbies or anything else for excuses, but in the end we are the only ones who know what keeps us stagnant.
When I talk to this friend on occasion I get lost in thought during the conversations. I can’t imagine how one person can come up with so many excuses to stay put. In the end I guess it doesn’t matter as long as she’s happy with what she does and the opportunities she misses out on. When I look at myself I’m just thankful that I’ve always done the things I want to do. If I died tomorrow I could easily and honestly say that I’ve lived a complete and fulfilling life. I’ve done almost everything I’ve wanted to do. Although there are still things I would like to experiment with, I’m extremely satisfied with the path that my life has taken.
I’m beginning to get a lot of feedback on my new book. To my surprise most of the people who have commented seem to like this book better than the first one. I guess I have to give some credit to my editor since she told me she thought this was a much better book. She thought readers would get a better sense about who I was as a person.
As with the first book, once the feedback started trickling in it gave me the drive to start another book. I have three ideas to sort through before I tackle that project. I would also like to update my computer and get onto a system that will be easier to format books. Hopefully I can get all of that accomplished by early summer. I’m not sure but I might start another book in the series of the first two, while I attempt to slowly write a novel. It’s great to have ideas an goals. There’s nothing more rewarding than writing about it tonight and seeing it as a finished product in the future. I didn’t know I would ever have that ability until I realized that your outside accomplishments away from the office are solely up to you. You can do anything you want to do if you put your mind to it.
I’m an author. I always have been and I always will be. Believe it or not I don’t write for anyone other than myself. It may sound selfish but writing helps me get thoughts out of my head. I believe I’m just fortunate that people like to read my writing. The continued success of both books are living proof of that. There’s no better feeling than people asking if I’m working on another book when the last one just came off the press……………….onward and upward. Without a paddle you can’t get far with a canoe.
I’m lucky I learned to type when I was young because without a keyboard writing would be a little more difficult. Sometimes you just have to take a chance. When I began my first book I had no idea if it would sell. After it landed on a best-seller’s list seven months after I released it I felt a sense of accomplishment that will be hard to rival. It all happened because I took a chance. I didn’t make excuses when I struggled. Instead I pushed forward. I never knew what the final outcome would be but I assured myself that I would have fun doing what I love to do. I’ve always felt that way and always will. If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t take chances…………………maybe it’s time.