Archive for October, 2010

Falling Leaves

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

It has been a long time since I’ve been here. I’ve sat down many times, but I’ve been battling a writer’s block of sorts. Whenever I start something I can’t seem to make it flow. It irritates me so I sign off and give it up until a better day comes along.

Today was a gorgeous fall day.  Right from first light I knew what I was going to do when I got home from work in the afternoon. I would head to a place that I’ve been many times. I have some great childhood memories from this place as well as some extremely painful ones when I went there to be alone…….to get away from everything that was happening too fast all around me.

This day would be different. I would let my mind drift from thought to thought without acknowledging any of them. I parked my truck in a place that I haven’t parked in about 20 years.

As I got out and headed up an old logging road something seemed different. It didn’t feel like the same road that I had walked on so many other times. I quickly placed one foot in front of the other as I gradually climbed the mountain. I would go along the side of it and cut behind it before coming down the front side on my way back to the truck at dark.

I could hear the wind gently rustling the leaves in the tree-tops above me. There are many sounds that you can hear in the woods but this particular sound can only be heard the few weeks before the leaves steadily begin to fall.

As I moved along I enjoyed everything around me. I saw a few squirrels playing in the trees. I heard a flock of geese headed on their way to a warmer climate for the winter. I came across some bear scat and even saw some moose tracks. I felt overwhelmed, but I continued on.

Since I wasn’t in a hurry I decided to sit down on a fallen tree to take a break. I sat there and listened to the rustling leaves in the distance. Although I’m pretty sure it was squirrels I will never know for sure. It was a beautiful experience to sit there and use all of my senses.

Sometimes we take our senses for granted. I could smell a few things that can only be associated with fall. I could see the foliage without any problem at all and I could hear everything around me. It felt good to be alone.

I’ve traveled many roads alone. Sometimes that’s a good thing and other times it isn’t. For some unknown reason I feel the need to be alone right now. I have far too many things going on inside my head to be able to give anyone my undivided attention.

It’s amazing how some people can pick up on that and others can’t. I’ve always considered myself a good judge of a person’s character. This type of thing is a reflection of character. Some people read too far into it and others don’t see anything at all. It doesn’t really matter one way or the other to me. I just want everyone to know that it’s a complicated time that I need to find a way to simplify. I simplify things by going to the woods. I find peace of mind while I’m there. My soul rests easy when I’m in the forest. I feel like I’m in my home where I belong.

Sometimes my mind gets crammed full of events. Everything happens at once and it becomes hard to escape. That is why I enjoy this time of year. It allows me to take a step back and relax.

I sat on the fallen tree for about 20 minutes. When I stood up I was in no hurry. I slowly made my way to the top of the mountain. In some ways it seems like a very long time since I’ve been on top of the mountain. The valleys have been long and rough. Everytime I start gaining elevation I have to head into another valley to get to the mountain.

I can’t lie and say that the last few years have been easy because they haven’t. Life has been a whirlwind and I’ve encountered many things that I never imagined. I’ve tried to face everything with a positive attitude. Sometimes it’s hard to stay positive, but it’s much better than being negative. Negativity festers and eventually takes on a life of its own.

I’m not saying that I don’t have my negative moments, but I do try to stay positive about the most important things in life.

As the sun faded behind the mountain across the valley I knew that it was time to head down the face of the mountain. I was in a hurry to get to the bottom. I didn’t want to be walking in the dark.

I shuffled my feet through the leaves and before I knew it I was back to my truck. This evening had been something I’ve needed for a while. I needed to walk around without many thoughts in my head. I needed to make sure that all of my senses were working. I realized that it’s impossible to please everyone because sometimes we don’t really know what we need to please ourselves. I think I have a good idea what I need, but do we ever know for sure? That’s why it’s ok to make mistakes and take a few chances here and there.

I’m searching for a rested mind and soul. Hopefully I can find these things over the next two months. Tonight was a good start. As the leaves fall I will dash back in time to recreate memories while I’m out there making new ones. When the leaves settle onto the forest floor it will be a gentle reminder that I too must leave things behind in order for the new growth to begin next year. Good night and God Bless.