Archive for March 13th, 2011

Be Smart Enough to Save Yourself

Sunday, March 13th, 2011

I haven’t written in my blog in almost a month. A few people have asked why and to be completely honest I don’t have a good answer. I haven’t really had the time, but somehow that answer doesn’t seem very satisfying. It seems like I’ve been writing more than I ever have the last few months. Unfortunately, it also feels like I haven’t accomplished much.

I’m making steady progress on my book. That’s all I did today. It felt good when I called it a day and looked back at what I had accomplished. If I get a few more of those days behind me I’ll be in good shape. I’m not sure what to expect. I usually read everything that I write a few times, but I haven’t read any of what I’ve written yet. I think I’ll just wait until I’m finished and start from there. I’m hoping to be surprised.

The last month has been a whirlwind of sorts. I’ve experienced every type of feeling that a person can have. I’ve been on top of the world as well as in the bottom of the barrel. I’ve lost a few people and I’ve had some friends lose loved ones as well. Although it’s a fact of life that we can’t avoid, it doesn’t lessen the pain any.

I’ve also been caught in a few situations where I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I could do is sit back and listen. Sometimes when I don’t know what to say I try to listen because that’s all people need at times. I’ve always been the type of person that thinks I can save the world. I think that I have some super-human power that allows me to help everyone. I’m not sure how I ever came to feel that way, but in the last month I’ve realized that I can’t really help or save anyone. If anyone wants to do something they have to take it upon themselves to open new doors, leave things behind and go forward with an optimistic view on life and no fear of failing.

I recently spoke with one of my friends after they went to therapy. They were telling me about some of the questions that they had to answer for the therapist. It’s amazing how much we can learn from the way other people answer questions. It’s even more amazing to realize how far apart our lives can be from someone else close to us when we don’t even realize it or choose not to acknowledge it. I’m a firm believer that people have to have the same types of things in their minds as to what will make their lives successful.

It’s amazing how some people don’t have a clue what they want to do or where they want to go in life. I’ve always had goals of some sort or another. I’m determined to reach my goals and I will do whatever it takes that is necessary to achieve them. It sounds so simple, but it’s so difficult for the vast majority of people to do. Instead, people want to lounge around, do nothing and watch time waste away. I see it much more in the younger generation, even though it does exist a little in mine as well. The early to mid 20s generation seems to think that everything should be handed to them. They don’t have much drive to succeed and many of them are extremely selfish. Of course, I’m only basing my opinions on the people that I encounter on a daily basis, so it’s probably not a fair assumption to classify all of the generation into one.

I’ve listened to a lot of people talk over the last month. I always enjoy listening to people talk. It’s probably because I can remain quiet and not say a word. The less I say the more likely it is that I won’t say anything that will piss someone off.

Sometimes I would like to voice my opinion, but I just let it ride and don’t say a single word. The thoughts race through my head like the ball in a pinball machine. I can’t slow them down and probably wouldn’t if I could. I’ve noticed that a lot of people have a hard time moving forward because they feel sorry for someone. The “someone” might be their friend, lover or spouse. They might even feel sorry for themselves which creates even more problems.

In many of the conversations I’ve had recently I’ve heard the same thing over and over. The real issues are covered up by making excuses for other people or trying to protect other people. No matter what age you are you become responsible for your own actions when you are an adult. You can’t continue going through life pointing fingers at other people. It’s not longer your parents fault, your ex-lover’s fault, the fault of your upbringing or whatever other excuse you find to fall back on. It’s your fault. Own up to your shortcomings and do something about it.

If people continue to make excuses for the actions of people around them they get sucked into feeling sorry for the person. They can’t move along in pursuit of happiness because that person has cast a spell over them which doesn’t allow them to feel for themselves. Instead, they worry too much about the other person. They don’t want to hurt the person. They’re afraid the person won’t be ok alone. They make excuses that they don’t have any friends for family that will be their for them. The excuses pile up and underneath them the protection remains, simply because someone feels sorry for someone else who can’t take care of their own well-being.

Before long the person doing the protecting loses their own identity. They get lost on their journey through life. They might come across some of the most amazing things in the world, but they won’t open up and let these things become a part of them. Instead, they worry about the helpless, the people without any direction. They think they can save them. They hold onto hope that they’ll become somebody they’re not. I think it would be much easier to associate with people like myself. People that I know that I gel with and people that bring out the best in me as I bring out the best in them.

It’s very hard to give advice in situations like this. The topic of love has come up many times in some recent conversations I’ve had. A person told me they had never loved anyone as much as they love the person they’re with, which I understood. However, the person also knows that the other person is not good for them at all. There have been all sorts of issues that are beyond imaginable. Things have been done that can’t be taken back or repaired. Sometimes you have to accept that you made a mistake, say thank you for the time you gave me and move on in pursuit of what makes your life more satisfying and gratifying. It seems so easy, but it’s so hard for people to do.

After I thought about the love conversation I began to realize that the examples given to me and everything that has happened in the relationship is not true love. It’s probably more like deep feelings, but not real love. Real love is not harmful, painful and hurtful. When you experience love to its fullest you don’t degrade the people you’re with and argue over simple things. Instead, you find a way to work toward solutions that will better your relationship. You support each other and motivate each other to succeed. If you’re with someone without any self motivation it makes these things impossible. There’s no possible way that one hand can wash the other, because one person simply can’t get off their own hands. You’re in two drastically different places on a mental level. It’s obvious when two people don’t have the same mental capacities. It usually leads to a lot of arguing, name-calling and someone feeling like they have to control the situation.

I wish that I had thought of those things when I was in the middle of the conversation. Rather, I sat there quietly and listened. I told the person that I understood and didn’t have a whole lot to offer.  One day when I was aimlessly driving around I thought about it and understood that this person has a false perception about the love that they’re feeling. I can’t imagine how this person would feel if they had someone who gave them the same things in return. If they think they have never loved like they do now, they would probably be on cloud 9 when they found the real meaning of a mutual and caring relationship where their partner’s main purpose was to support them and help them succeed while they did the same in return.

I could probably go on and on tonight because I’m on a roll. I guess it just riled me up a little after I really thought about it. It’s too bad I didn’t come up with anything insightful to say at the time. Once the time goes past we can’t get it back, which is why I’m writing about it tonight. I hope the person figures it out on their own that they deserve so much more than what they currently have. They deserve to be surrounded by a person who has the same goals in life and someone who can motivate and support them.

I need to start writing more on here. I’m not sure if I’ll find the time, but I will try my best. Keep moving forward. If you gotten a little off track and fallen in quicksand don’t be too proud to grab the rope that is thrown to you. We all make mistakes.  The people that learn, grow and succeed are the ones that realize they’re sinking and find a way to get back on solid ground. Yes, people might get hurt. People might get angry. You will never make everyone around you happy. There will always be at least one person, maybe more, who will be ticked off, but in the end it’s your life. Why would you stay on a path that is loaded with quicksand that is waiting to engulf you. Wouldn’t it be much easier to walk hand in hand on solid ground with someone who you can connect to on all levels? You be the judge!