Archive for March 14th, 2011

Hope Awaits You on the New Path

Monday, March 14th, 2011

Time got away from me tonight. Before I knew it I was looking at the clock and it said 8:30. Today has been one of the toughest days I’ve had in as long as I can remember. One thing after another has piled on top of me. I feel like I’m buried under layers of dirt. I’m barely breathing, but I also know that it’s only temporary.

For a long time tonight I stared at the flame in the fake fireplace and rocked back in forth in the rocking chair. It was well before daylight when I started. When I finally got up to move it had been dark for at least an hour. I didn’t do anything but stare at the flame. I could feel the heat on my legs. Besides that, I couldn’t feel a thing. My body was limp and I felt lifeless, like a dog without a home.

Throughout my life I’ve been amazed at how people can turn things around that you say and give them a totally different meaning. They give life to a sentence that had no substance behind it. The person doesn’t even try to comprehend what you’re saying. Instead they turn the words around to fit into something that makes sense in their world or something they think is going on. It’s really sad because then you end up trying to defend everything you’ve said. Once it starts it’s an endless cycle that causes all sorts of confusion, chaos, hurt, anger and distrust.  There’s no sense in taking everything that is said so literally that it’s almost impossible to speak about anything.

A few times during the last week I’ve felt like cutting my tongue off just so I couldn’t speak and wouldn’t have to speak. Anybody that knows me well knows that I’ve always been extremely shy and quiet by nature. I don’t require any attention and I don’t seek it either. Instead, I would rather sit around, mind my own business and do my own thing.  Many people take it as being arrogant or cocky. I like to consider myself a thinker who prefers to be alone.

I’ve received advice from everyone under the sun lately. It’s starting to weigh on me. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions, standing behind them and following through. Yes, I’ve made a few bad choices along the way, but I don’t regret anything I’ve done. We all learn from anything that we do. If we don’t learn then we will probably repeat many mistakes, which over time will take their toll on us.

I’m glad that spring is almost here. Every year spring brings new life with it. Things turn green and new life is visible all around us. It’s a refreshing feeling after dealing with a few months of winter. During the winter we sometimes get depressed. We let the weather bring us down even further.

I have a great feeling for this spring. Something inside me tells me that something good is going to happen to me. I’m not even sure where it will appear or why. It could be something as small as a phone call from a long lost friend from elementary school or it could be as large as winning a 150 million dollar jackpot in the lottery. I’m not sure what the good thing will be, but I’m almost certain it’s waiting for me. It’s waiting for the perfect time to alight upon me and quietly tell me that it has arrived.

Sometimes the smallest things bring us joy. We don’t need much to keep us happy. However, it only takes a few bad moments to bring us down and keep us there. It can be easy to lay under a log and hide from the world. We have to remember that new things await us no matter where we’re going.

Every day is a new day. We should wake up and get ready for a new adventure.  I didn’t know what to expect today. I wasn’t in the best of moods when I got up. I was somewhat startled when I almost wrecked my vehicle by hitting a deer. When I swerved to miss the deer I knew that a little bit of luck had just passed through me. I was thankful for that.

As with any day there were ups and downs, but here I am at the end of it. There weren’t any major catastrophes and I’m ready for a new start tomorrow. What I didn’t find today, I might very well find tomorrow. I try not to get too high or too low. The highs and lows usually even themselves out and in the middle you find a lot of quiet time to reflect.

I used to be very scared of taking any chances. I’m still not a big risk taker, but I will take a few risks now if I think it might improve some areas in my life. As spring rolls in over the next few weeks I encourage you to recognize a few of the things that come to life with the warmer weather. As you watch the process unfold remember that your life follows the same path. You can stay in the dark, cold and gray days of winter or you can walk into the woods and create a path for yourself. If you worry about struggling you will paralyze yourself into believing that you can’t get to where you want to go. If you use the help of others and decide that it’s ok to walk on the unworn path you might just see all sorts of incredible new things come to life around you. Green is good. Green symbolizes hope, so if we take a chance and leave the old behind we might just find new life in our hope. Best of luck on your journey. Maybe I’ll see you on the path in the forest because I always have hope.