Today I read a few of the comments from some of my friends. I guess when you’re around me and my dad for any length of time it’s easy to see that we share a pretty close bond. He has saved my life on numerous occasions when I suffered through some severe insulin reactions. He has always been there for me without question. He has helped me with problems in and around my houses and he has never asked for anything in return. There’s nothing I could ever say other than Thank You and even that would never be enough.
When I was in High School it was a common trait to leave a quote next to your senior picture in the yearbook. My quote was rather simple. Keep in mind that I was only 18. Mine read: College/To some day be as good a father as my father has been to me.
Well, I accomplished one of those things. I was the first one in my family to graduate from a 4 year college. Since I’ve never found test taking easy it was quite the challenge for the first few years. Once I was able to get into classes that had essays, rather than exams, my grades steadily climbed. As with anything in life, it’s all about finding what works the best for us. I never accomplished the second goal that I listed. Sometimes I think that it just wasn’t meant to happen. There might be a deeper meaning that even I will never know. I do know that even if I did have a child I never could have lived up to the standard that my father set for me. It would have been impossible. Here I am, just shy of 40 and I still feel like the child on the little league field that he put his arm around and told me that life wouldn’t always be fair. I remember it like it was yesterday. There was a drizzling rain as we watched the older boys play on the Major field. I was only 6. I still haven’t given up all hope because I do know that sometimes miracles come out of nowhere, but for now I just don’t think about it anymore. I’ve seen stranger things happen so I’ll sit back and watch it from afar.
Well my main reason for writing this tonight is to tell all of the people how important my mother has been to me from the beginning. My mom is often overlooked, but she is solely responsible for who I am inside. I believe that I have the ability to write about the things that I do because of her. She and I are very similar in that way. She has always been there for me with all of the successes and failures that I’ve encountered on my journey up to this point. Although my dad is my best friend, my mom is the one who I confide in when I need to discuss my deep dark secrets. She understands everything that I say and she is the most non-judgmental person that I’ve ever been around. A while back I was having a tough time getting motivated. I couldn’t find any direction no matter where I turned. There were days on end where I sat on the couch and recited the same thing over and over. I can’t believe that she never told me to stop. She continued supporting me and never once told me to stop. She would offer her opinion from time to time just to keep involved in the conversation. Although she knew my insides were a train wreck she never once added to my confusion or misery. Instead, she nudged me forward and helped me find myself through old memories and new adventures. It’s easy for me to share everything with her. It’s extremely easy to see that she wants what is best for me. She has given me advice even when I might not agree with what she has to say. I’m thankful for that because sometimes I need a little guidance. She’s also a very good judge of people. I’ve had many trying times along the way and she always helps me try to understand what other people might be thinking. It gives me insight that I couldn’t get elsewhere. I trust what she tells me and more times than not she is fairly accurate with her assessment of things.
I guess sometimes it doesn’t seem like my mom gets enough credit because of the tight friendship my dad and I share. That’s the reason I believe that you should always tell the people closest to you what they mean to you and what they give to you. I’ve probably failed in that area in the past, but as I move forward I’ll make sure that I do my best to always be open and honest. Communication is a key element to all successful relationships and my mom and dad have always had the ability to talk things out when it was necessary.
I hope that my parents are proud of what they’ve done. They raised all three of us kids to the best of their ability. When we were young we didn’t have a pot to piss in, but my dad worked his tail off so that we could have everything that he didn’t when he was growing up. He encouraged us to play sports since he never had the chance because he had to work on his dad’s dairy farm. They brought us on vacation every summer so we would see how important it was to do things together and work as a team. They brought us all over the country so we could experience things that we would never forget. Most of all they taught us how to be respectful of one another and all of those around us.
I found a quote once that says something like this, “Childhood is supposed to be the time of our lives, unfortunately many people spend the rest of their lives trying to fix the problems that it created.” Some days I can’t believe how lucky I have been. Although a few things didn’t pan out like I had wished for, I now know that everything happens for a reason. I never believed that destiny existed, but I’m believing it more and more each day. I’ve had some things happen to me in the last year that are unexplainable. I no longer question these things. For now I’m just going to see where fate takes me…………………………………….because I’m almost positive that it’s leading me to someplace that I never ever could have imagined existed. I can feel it more and more with every passing day.