Archive for April 11th, 2011


Monday, April 11th, 2011

It has been a very long winter. All of the snow and cold temperatures have taken a toll on me. Today was refreshing as the thermometer climbed to 80 degrees in my car. Even if it wasn’t 80 I’m sure it was in the 70s.

Fall and Spring are my two favorite times of year. They remind me of each other. It’s not too hot and it’s not too cold. I can be outside and enjoy myself without freezing to death or overheating.

I’ve been making steady progress on my second book. I hope to have the writing done by early May. It has taken much longer to write than the first book, but I’ve taken my time. I”m not sure which way I like it better. It seemed like the first book was a little easier because I just sat down and plowed through it. Before I knew it, I was completely finished and didn’t feel like I had done a thing. This time it feels like I’ll never get done. It  seems like I’m writing more and more without saying anything. I guess my readers will be the judge of that.

Although I haven’t been overly busy lately it seems like I have been tied up. I can’t find a reason why time is flying by so fast. Usually my mind is preoccupied with a variety of thoughts, but it’s relatively quiet right now. For all of the things going on around me, my mind feels somewhat flat. I know that I should probably put more thought into certain things, but I don’t have the energy to do it. Instead, I’m finally taking some of the advice I give to everyone else. I’m not worrying about the past and I’m not looking into the future. I’m simply living in the present because the present is a gift. I can’t control was has happened or what will happen. I just have to wake up each day and see what happens.

I know that it’s very hard for some people to understand me and what I do. To be honest it’s hard for me to understand as well. If I knew what I was doing life would be easy. The beauty of life is that we learn as we go. We make mistakes, but we still move forward.  If we don’t learn from our mistakes it’s our own fault and we have nobody to blame except ourselves.

I’ve been watching my little dog Theo  struggle lately. Realistically I know that he doesn’t have much time left on this planet.  Sometimes I wish he could talk, so I could tell him how much he has done for me. He has always loved me unconditionally. If I scold him he always comes back. If I spanked him he still got in bed and laid his head next to mine on the pillow. No matter what I did he was always happy and excited to see me. When I had nobody else to talk to, I talked to him because he couldn’t judge me. He looked at me with his little brown eyes and smiled.  Well, the look on his face made it look like he was smiling. I wished that he was well enough to run around in the yard today and enjoy the nice weather. Instead, he barely made it outside and bumped into things along the way. While he’s not suffering, his quality of life isn’t what it once was. If I had a small bit of magic I would do anything I could to help him. Unfortunately we can’t hold back time and we have to accept the things that happen as time moves forward. There are no favorites in this world. Anyone and everyone can be affected by anything. Good and bad people alike are stricken with horrible diseases that they must fight. It’s hard to make sense out of it at times. Why do good people suffer? I don’t have an answer for that, but I can take a guess. My guess is that those people have the ability to remain optimistic no matter what is thrown at them. They find a way to survive and they motivate all the people around them. They give people like me hope. Without hope we aren’t a damn thing in this world.

I find it amazing how almost daily someone comments on my parents. Everyone tells me how lucky I am like I don’t know it. I do know how lucky I am. They have molded me into the person I’ve become. Without them I wouldn’t have the personality or character that I possess. I do wish that I had more of their good qualities because I know that I can’t come close to comparing to either one of them. It’s funny how kids pick athletes as role models. I’ve always chosen my parents from the time I was little until now. They will always be my role models. If I can be half of what they are, I know that I will have lived a successful life.  Both of them have given more of themselves to me than I can ever repay. They’ve always made me a priority and given up so many things that they probably could have done. In some small way I hope they know that I appreciate all of it. There are very few children who have what I have. I’m truly blessed. They celebrated their 46th anniversary a few weeks ago.  Where does time go? It seems like we threw them their 25th anniversary party just a few years ago. What a great time that was.

Well, I’m not sure what the next few months will bring, but I’m sure that I will continue working toward my goal. One day at a time. I breathe  in and I breathe out. I hope I keep experiencing new things and getting new opportunities to better myself in all areas of my life. If I find that along the way I will be very thankful.