Archive for August 21st, 2011

Your Own Identity

Sunday, August 21st, 2011

I’ve had a lot of quiet time for the last week. For some reason I’ve been drawn back to my personal archery range. It’s a place I’ve always gone to get away from distracting thoughts. While shooting I’ve been able to focus on the process and nothing more. The disturbing thoughts I’ve been battling creep into my mind when I’m aiming and releasing, but I don’t acknowledge them. When they say history repeats itself I’m living proof that it is true. For a long time I’ve avoided shooting very many arrows, but I can’t stay away from the range lately.  I use it as a distraction so the other nagging thoughts don’t consume me. Hunting season will be here before you know it, so I’m sure I’ll have something else to focus on.

The storms rolled in quickly tonight. Within seconds the sky went from bright and sunny to dark and menacing. Thunder boomed and lighting crashed through the sky. Yes, I saw it, and lighting crashes.

The main storm lasted about fifteen minutes. After it passed the thunder continued for a few more hours before giving way to a gentle breeze and soft rain. Watching the events unfold reminded me of life.

Sometimes things attack us with an unfathomable fury. We don’t know why it happens. It seems like the lightning crashes all around us for days on end. We seek refuge and can’t find a damn thing to hide under. We want something magic to fall out of the sky and show us the way, but we know it’s impossible. We must continue forward, blaze new trails, and hope our feet guide us to where we’re supposed to be.

Just as these summer storms are unpredictable, so are the events in our lives. One minute we might be on top of the world and the next minute we might have all we can do to keep  smiles on our faces. Some people learn to dance in the rain, while others run for cover and never return. They become afraid to live again. They let the negativity encompass their bodies and shut them down. Instead of a passing storm it turns into a funnel cloud that sweeps them into another world where they can’t even rescue themselves.

I’ve been a little down lately, but I know that I’m just in the midst of a line of storms. Some days I feel like I’ve been pummeled by the hail. Other days I feel like I’m being whipped around in the heavy wind, and sometimes I even feel like I’m one of the millions of raindrops that are pounding into the pavement.

As with all storms, the time will pass. After my vacation a few weeks ago I set some goals for the next year. I also examined the priorities in my life. I think the next month or two will be fairly tough. I’ll have a few days where I’ll question my sanity, but I’ll survive because I’ve always been a survivor.

When I get through the rough patch I’ll come out the other side with a new outlook. I know the road ahead will be tough and I welcome the challenge. If we don’t welcome challenges we become unmotivated. A person without motivation can drag others down and I refuse to be that person. A person without goals and aspirations in their life can be compared to a rowboat aimlessly sailing across the ocean. People who don’t want to better themselves don’t see a problem with their actions. They think it’s acceptable to be lazy, pretend they’re trying to better their lives or make up excuses why they can’t find something to do to improve their positions. These are the people we should all try to stay away from.

One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that we are only responsible for our own lives. We can’t make it our project to “fix” someone or help them live the kind of life that we think would be better for them. Sometimes we have to let people go even though we think they’re heading down the wrong path. Just as I have, I’m sure you have also followed many wrong paths that led you to where you are today. That’s how we become better people. However, if we don’t acknowledge our mistakes and keep walking on the wrong path it can swallow us alive. We get lost deep within the forest and before you know it there’s no escape. You don’t even realize that you have been consumed and you don’t have a link to the outside world.

Just remember that when you get to the path in the woods it doesn’t really matter which one you choose to follow. Try to remember that the only person you should be saving is yourself. You’re not responsible for giving up your life to help others. It’s ok to help others, but don’t lose your own identity in the process of doing it. An easy way to identify if you’ve fallen into this trap is to look at your life from the outside with a totally objective viewpoint.

Take a step outside your body and look into your soul. Did you change along the way because of other people? Did you give up some of the things you loved just because you thought you were doing the right thing? Do you do things you never imagined doing? Is your life headed in the direction you always wanted it to go? Can you see yourself reaching your goals if you stay on the road you’re on now?

A long time ago my mother told me she thought I had lost my own identity while I was in an uncomfortable situation. At first I resented her for saying it, but as time moved forward I realized how right she really was. I had lost my own identity. Unfortunately, I didn’t see it happening at the time. When it was all said and done I had to go back to what I knew best and establish who I was as a person.

I need to find my own identity again. Somehow, somewhere along the way I lost touch with it again. It’s surely one of my goals to get back on the right track. Our choices, whether they’re good or bad, lead us to the places we belong. If we continue to make bad choices we end up in environments that aren’t too stimulating. We become stagnant and blame ourselves for a lot of things that might not even be our fault. However, if we take a leap, stand proud and begin making good choices we find ourselves around positive, motivated and successful people. We find ourselves in environments that are  conducive to our well being and happiness.

Whenever I used to struggle in baseball, softball or archery I always told myself, “It only takes one to start a streak.” It might be one hit that gets you on a roll or one bulls-eye that leads to another one. If you make one good choice today it might start a streak that will take you to amazing places. If you turn your back and ignore your intuition you might just find yourself right back in the place you’ve been trying to escape from for so long.

It’s hard to change our ways. We worry if we’ll be okay. We worry if this person or that person will love us. We worry if our friends and family will judge us and look down on us. We worry if anyone will ever love us again. We worry that we’re not good enough for anyone. Instead of worrying so much take a chance and start down a new path. Life doesn’t wait for you to make the wrong choice, you do that on your own. Make the right choice and smile because you’ve finally started a streak. The streak will get interrupted from time to time, but that’s to be expected. Good people find good people. Don’t let someone suck the life out of you when you know you how much you have to give and how much can be given to you.