Archive for April 28th, 2013

It’s That Time Again

Sunday, April 28th, 2013

I sat at my desk organizing all of the daily work I needed to get through in order to get out of work at a decent time. Before long, I started cussing to myself and frowning at the list I had created. Within a few minutes it felt like a black hole had opened below me and was tearing my limbs from body as I held on for dear life. My legs dangled on the edge of the hole as I fought with all my strength to stay in the chair. Seconds later, the great force had passed and I was resting easy once again.  I had encountered that same feeling almost every day throughout the previous weeks.  Every day I held on to my sanity as the black hole opened and closed. It wanted to suck me in, but I tried my hardest to stay afloat. It would have been easy to give in and get sucked into the darkness. I’m not sure why the current felt stronger that day, but it did.

About 20 minutes after the aforementioned scene I felt my phone vibrate in my pants pocket. Since it wasn’t even 7 o’clock in the morning yet, I couldn’t figure out who would be calling me. When I got the phone out of my pocket and glanced at it, I was concerned. The caller ID displayed, “Mom.” I knew it couldn’t be good if she was calling that early.

When I said, “Hello”, it was easy to tell how distraught she was as she tried talking between crying and hyperventilating. All I could make out was, “Your father, your father!! He’s having a heart attack.”

As panic raced through my body, I grabbed all of my belongings and ran out the door. I ran through the parking lot and jumped in my truck. Racing through the streets in Glens Falls I prayed that my father would live to see another day. I felt helpless as the greatest man I’ve ever known was fighting for his life about eight miles away. When I got to the ER the ambulance hadn’t arrived yet. I patiently waited, well as patiently as anyone could wait under the circumstances. The minutes ticked by as I stood by the door and waited. I couldn’t imagine what was taking so long.

Finally the ambulance pulled in and the medics raced to get my father inside the ER. I could easily here the commotion and didn’t know what to assume. I was scared. The greatest influence in my life was lying helpless on a gurney with a lot of doctors at his side. There was no problem seeing he was in a massive amount of pain. This surprised me as I had never known heart attack victims felt so much pain.

A few minutes after he was in the ER they rushed him off to put a stent in, in hopes of saving his life.  I hoped for the best, but I also mentally prepared myself for the worst. That’s when I realized you can’t really mentally prepare yourself for anything like that. I’ve always had fairly good mental control with a lot of things, but this was one of those instances I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I could pretend I was strong, but in reality I felt like a lost 10 year old child in the middle of a big city.  Not knowing what to do with myself, I found a corner seat in the waiting room. In situations like that I don’t like to be bothered. I know family members want to huddle close together and be there for one another, but I’m different. I’m quiet, reserved and I like to be alone with my thoughts. My father always respects that, too. If he knows something is wrong he might ask once or twice and if I don’t respond he quietly transitions to another topic. I’m more appreciative of that than he probably knows. I think it’s because we’re a lot alike in that way.

A few hours later the doctor came out to tell us everything that happened and what they did to curb the problem for the time being. I felt a little more comfortable, but I still knew it would be a long road ahead to get him back to the level he was at before the heart attack happened. Everyone said he would be feeling better than ever within a few months. I found it hard to believe and decided to go forward with a realistic attitude.

Now, a few months have passed and my father is getting around a little better than he was shortly after the heart attack. He’s still not quite as rough and tumble as he has always been, but I’m sure it will take a while before he feels more comfortable. He’s going to cardiac rehabilitation three times a week. He has been progressing very well. I still worry about him. His breathing is still labored and he still has a lot of blockage on the other side. The blockage is being treated with medication for now, so I’ll hope for the best.

I realize how lucky I am to still have both of my parents with me as I go into my mid 40s. Even more amazing is the fact they’ve been married for 48 years. Wow!!! How lucky am I? Nobody has to tell me because I know wholeheartedly. Both of my parents have always been the best role models I ever could have asked for. I find it amazing how kids are always asked who their heroes are and they name a bunch of athletic figures. I’ve always believed my parents are my heroes. Without them I would be a totally different person. I believe they’ve molded me to be the best person I can be. I’m sure I haven’t measured up to the standard they’ve set for me, but I’ve given it my best. I also know they’re proud of me and they succeed when I succeed.

That last statement tells me that it is time for me to venture toward a few new goals. I need to get on the road, figure out exactly what I need to do, and just do it. It’s that time again and I’m ready. Over the next few months I’ll make a decision on what project I want to dive into and I’ll pursue it with 100% conviction……………….until then, maybe I’ll see you in my travels. God bless——————->