Well, we’re finally up and running. Hopefully things will pick up speed as we move forward. I’ll try to add a journal entry as I have time from week to week. Some of my entries will pertain to my random thoughts, while others will focus on hunting and the status of my book. I’m not sure I’ll ever get to the end, but I’ll try my best.
I shot in the annual Guan Ho Ha archery vegas tournament today. I’ve been participating in it since the mid 90’s. Today was definitely not one of my better performances, but it felt good to see many of my friends that I only get to see once or twice a year.
The ride to and from the shoot was easy on my mind. I found my thoughts drifting through many periods of my life. I’ve always wondered about a few of my decisions along the way and today was no different. I’ve always questioned my ability to conquer my fears, put one foot in front of the other and dive into the unknown with reckless abandon.
Fear can paralyze even the best of people. Sometimes it grabs hold and won’t let go. It can make even the strongest person buckle under pressure. For many years I let fear dictate my life. I was afraid to move forward and do something that I knew had to be done. I tread lightly in the backdrop and hoped that someone else would do what I was so afraid to do myself. Eventually my prayers were answered. Although I thought I was ready, I quickly learned that I wasn’t remotely prepared for what happened.
However, as time moved forward and I reinvented myself, my fear was quickly left behind. I had new fears, but nowhere near as stressful as the old ones. The new things that I encountered were a godsend and I welcomed them with open arms. I began figuring out exactly what I needed to feel complete. I analyzed my mistakes from the past and took notice of the areas where I needed to improve myself the most. Although I thought it would be much more difficult, it has been very enjoyable and fairly easy up to this point.
I can feel inside that my life is about to change once again. As I look at the opportunities in front of me I just hope and pray that I will always address any situation that needs attention long before it gets out of control. I’ve realized that even the simplest conversations or requests can often lead to the greatest feeling of security for all people involved. I’ve made a personal commitment to always be open and honest with my inner thoughts, dreams and disappointments. I’ve also seen how much a small token of appreciation can mean to another person. Therefore, I will always try to do the little things that matter the most. In the past I have given up because I didn’t think the little things had any meaning. Unfortunately I learned the hard way that those things went much further than I ever could have imagined.
I’ve learned along the way that I can’t be disappointed or hurt if someone doesn’t react the way I want them to react. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care. It simply means that everyone handles things in different ways. I gave a card to someone today and it made me feel good. As cards so often do, this one perfectly illustrated many of the feelings that have been rolling around inside my head. I also took the time to write a small note on the inner flap of the card. I did it because I made a promise to myself to never short anyone of my inner feelings. I don’t care if they’re a friend or a family member. With some people it’s much easier than others. That’s where we have to find ourselves and what makes us tick. I’ve been working on that for quite some time and I think I’m getting closer and closer to the answer I’ve so desperately been searching for. In the end the only way I’ll know is to let one day move into the next and let it take care of itself.
I will no longer be paralyzed by fear. I’ll accept it for what it is. I’ll even welcome it if that’s what it takes. I will also try to help those closest to me to open up, let me in and allow me to help if it’s possible. Nobody should ever have to feel alone. I encourage everyone to do something thoughtful for the people you hold closest to your hearts. I know that it’s an overwhelming feeling when someone close to you lets you know how they feel. There’s nobody on the face of the earth who doesn’t like to hear good things about themselves and get a surprise gift every now and then. Try your hardest to please others and you’ll surely see yourself on the receiving end at one point in time, if you haven’t already. I hope you enjoy reading some of the random thoughts that pass through my head. I’ll try sharing some of them on a regular basis. Thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave me any comments you might have.