Archive for June 14th, 2010

Life

Monday, June 14th, 2010

The last month has been a blur. So many things have happened I can’t even begin to explain everything. Mom was finally able to come home from Albany Med. It was a nerve-wracking couple of weeks when they were trying to figure out what was wrong. I think my family was struck with every emotion that exists. One day it was brain cancer and the next they had no clue what it might be. It appears that it’s a severe viral infection in the brain.

It’s very hard to see anyone suffer, but to see the ones that you love the most makes it even more difficult. Almost all of us gain traits from our role models, which in many cases are our parents. I can only hope that I have a quarter of the strength that my mother has. No matter what they tell her she always has a positive attitude and says “bring it on.” In instances where so many other people would quit she buckles down and insists that she will be the winner in any battle.

When I drove back and forth to the hospital I tried to imagine myself in the same situation. I’m not sure what I would do or how I would react. I guess I would have to take it on the chin and move forward.

Many of the minutes that passed by while driving brought me in and out of a variety of thoughts. It struck me how quick our lives can change and we can’t do anything about it. They could change by a freak accident, by a long term illness or a simple word. All of our lives can take a different direction in a split second. Sometimes we have control and sometimes we don’t. I guess that’s the beauty of life. Life doesn’t slow down or stop for anyone. It moves from second to second, minute to minute and year to year. Unfortunately, we too often get stuck and the time sucks us in before we realize how much of it has passed. We can’t get it back, yet we don’t do anything to make the most of the time we have.

I’ve also realized that unlike the work-place, illnesses such as cancer have no favorites. Cancer can strike anyone, whether they’re the manager’s pet or the least liked person in the building. It comes quietly and strikes without warning. We can try as hard as possible to hide from it, but in the end we have very little control over it. It shows no mercy and has no feelings for the people that it overtakes. Nothing can be done for the suffering and although we watch people slowly fade away we can’t step in and offer our help. All we can do is sit there and pray for relief.

Every night when I go to bed I say a few short prayers. I’m not overly religous and never have been, but I have always been spiritual. I never realized how many people pray until many of my friends asked what my mother’s name was.  I’m different in that manner. When I pray I do it in a wide spectrum such as “please look after all of my friends and family and help all of them through any rough times that may come upon them.” Everyone finds their own way, but that is mine.

I could ramble for a while tonight, but none of my thoughts are lining up well enough to write clearly this evening. I’ll try to make time to come back another night this week and tackle this with a little more substance. I’ve had the time to write lately, but I just haven’t sat down to do it. I need to get back at it because it brings me something that I need.

Dad won a gold medal at the NY State Senior games in archery this past weekend. He hasn’t shot his bow since my mother was admitted in Albany Med. Some people wondered how he was able to do well, but I didn’t. I remember when I was going through hell while I was in the middle of my divorce. I was having  hard time dealing with all of the emotions, but I still chose to shoot the National Triple Crown. Somehow I found a way to get through. I ended up that with two top 10 finishes at national events and a 7th place finish at the World Championship. It was extremely hard to set my emotions aside and get from one day to the next. When I picked my bow up it allowed my mind to be at peace for a couple of hours a day. It was the only “quiet” time that my mind had during the process. It affected me for many months, but the bow and arrow always brought me to a place that I needed.  I think the same might have happened for dad over the weekend. I was surprised he went shooting, but I’m glad he did. Way to go Dad!!! Since I don’t shoot much anymore and you’re doing well it makes me route for you even more.  I haven’t forgotten all of those miles you put on while driving me all over the country so I could find the success that I was able to achieve. Thanks again………..I’m glad it’s your time now.

As each day fades into another night try to take time to sit back and be thankful for everything in your life, from the big things to the small things. It’s amazing how everything can change in the snap of a finger. Instead of putting things off you better jump in before it’s too late. It’s probably better to say you tried than to realize too late that you missed out on an opportunity that might never ever present itself again.