A few weeks ago a good friend of mine asked if I would be interested in reading my short story “The Smallest Marcher” to his class. After reading the story he said we could discuss it and then talk about what it’s like to be an author.
I didn’t hesitate to answer “yes” when he asked me if I would be interested. The last time I spoke in front of a class was about a year ago. I spoke to a class of 11th graders at Hoosick Falls Central School. This time I would be speaking to a bunch of elementary kids at St. Johnsville Central School.
When I woke up Friday morning my blood glucose level was a little on the high side. It bounced around most of the morning until I had to leave for my presentation.
I left around 11 o’clock and welcomed the drive. It was very relaxing. My eyes were heavy and my mind was active. As the miles disappeared behind me, I found myself glancing into the fields on the side of the road. I saw a few birds gliding through the sky and (for a moment) I wished I was next to them.
Eventually I arrived at the school. I checked my blood sugar before heading to the principal’s office. Once there, I signed in and made my way upstairs. When I walked into the classroom my buddy introduced me to all of his students. At the time I felt completely normal. Ten minutes later that feeling changed.
As kids started piling into the cafeteria I felt somewhat unprepared. I had planned on talking to no more than 30 kids. When the cafeteria was almost full I realized that I had a chance to make an impression. The impression might be made on one child or on a number of them. You can never tell until you’re done and even then you may never know what effect you had on them.
After a brief introduction I began reading my short story about bullying. Every once in a while the microphone squawked, but besides that there weren’t any problems. I’ve never minded reading in front of people, so I felt at home as I plowed through the words on the paper.
When I finished I asked for any comments or feedback. The kids seemed a little quiet so the principal took charge and spoke of the bullying issues that she confronts on a daily basis. After a short discussion we moved to the topic of being an author and publishing my own book.
The kids seemed more interested in that than they did the story. I could understand that because as I was reading the story I was thinking in my head how awful it sounded. Maybe I’m my own worst critic. I’ll never know for sure.
When I finally finished talking it was time for the kids to move on to their other classes. Before they left I got some pictures with a few different classes. Then, some of the teachers and the principal thanked me for coming.
If I could go back in time I would like to stay there for as long as possible. At that moment I really felt like I made a difference. I might not have done anything at all, but I felt special for a few minutes. It was an exhilarating feeling and it stayed with me for my entire ride home. It made me want to go to another school in front of another group of kids just to do it again.
Sometimes it’s these little victories that give our lives so much meaning. I guess I’ll hope that one of those children goes on to do something positive with the information that I supplied them with. We can never choose another individual’s path, but we can give them guidance and help them pick the one that provides them with the most opportunity.
I’ve wandered around on many different paths over the course of my 40 plus years on this planet. I’ve been fortunate enough to find a few things that I’m very good at and I’ve learned lessons from the things that I’m not so good at. One thing that I’ve accomplished is to never give up. I try to keep pushing forward no matter how dim the outlook might appear. We learn the most about ourselves when we hit the low points. That’s when we have to pull everything together in order to find a better way to make ourselves happy.
This week has been filled with some ups and downs. I feel a little blue today as I know that some things happen that we will never truly understand. The harder we search for answers the more elusive they sometimes become. My new goal is to let the answers come to me. I hope that my journey through life continues along the bright path that I’ve followed up to this point. Rainbows usually start appearing around this time of year. I’m ready to slide down the arc and into the pot of gold. Heck, we all chase rainbows, but how many of us can say that the gold at the end of them illuminates us from the inside out?