Archive for June 30th, 2009


Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

My life has been hectic since I last wrote. It seems as if there’s not enough time in the day, yet I don’t make good use of the time that I have. Right now I find myself too active in too many things. I need to take a step back and evaluate my priorities.

I took Theo for a walk shortly before dark. As we walked along the road I glanced at my left hand. For some reason the scar on the back of it seemed to jump out at me. It has been many years since I gave it any thought at all, but I was inundated with memories last night. It might be because Theo was with me when I acquired that particular scar.  I believe it was 13 years ago this summer that the scar appeared. I was behind my parents house moving 3D archery targets around. Theo was tagging along behind me and playing in the woods. He was only a little fella back then and I never realized at that point how important he would become in my life.

As I moved targets I came to a pine branch that I had to clear out of the way. I pulled on it and figure it would easily snap. The harder I pulled the more it seemed to fight. Suddenly, it let loose. I can’t remember much, other than a jagged piece of the branch shooting into my hand. I quickly called for Theo and bent over to catch my breath. The pain was so unbearable I vomited. Theo was at my side by that point. I can remember looking at him and knowing that he knew that something was drastically wrong. I could see the fear and concern in his face. I stabilized my hand and slowly made my way back to the house. After a while the pain subsided, but I still have a nasty scar today. It’s funny how much pain can be associated with scars, but they also have the ability to bring us back to a time that would otherwise be forgotten.

I still have a scar on my forehead under my hair-line. I’m not sure why but it only appears when I sweat. That scar was created on my parents anniversary when I was 5 years old. Dad and I went for a quick ride on his motorcycle that evening. When we got home I was going to spend the evening with my babysitter and he and mom were going out to dinner. We never made it back home. A dog ran out from under a car and got caught between the wheels of the motorcycle. Time stood still for a few seconds and I can still see it today. Dad was thrown from the bike and barrel rolled down the road and into the ditch. However, I was still on the bike until it went ass over tea kettle and ended up in pieces on the side of the road. When we got to the hospital dad’s bones in his hands were visible and my head was covered in blood. When I look at the pictures I still can’t believe that I survived the crash and that I didn’t need reconstructive surgery on my face. When I sweat I’m glad that the scar appears because it makes me realize how lucky I was to live the life that I have lived so far.

After Theo and I changed to the other side of the road on the way home I had to switch arms on the leash. Not sure why, but my attraction was instantly drawn to another scar on my right arm this time. The scar is on the inner side of my forearm. It looks like three white circles that extend for about an inch and a half. I created it myself. My head was in another place. My world had all but collapsed and an infection was festering in my arm. I decided to boil some water, saturate a cloth in it and leave it on my arm to help draw the infection out. When I did it I didn’t realize that the heat from the water transferred right through the cloth and into my arm. I ended up burning my arm and causing more of a mess than I started with. It was a time that I would like to forget, but I have the scar to look at as a reminder. Although I lost my head for a while I surely came out on the other side.

Many people carry visible scars around while others carry them inside. Their souls have been scarred by different people along their journeys. These are the people that need us the most. I’m no stranger to these types of scars. I was involved in a fierce battle with my psyche for quite a while. I second guessed every decision I made. Although I plodded forward I had no idea where I was going. I didn’t have a path to follow or a map to guide me there. I tried to create the rules as I went. Of course, I made a lot of questionable decisions, but in the end it helped me along the way.

I try to offer my hand to anyone that has internal scars. Far too many people think that they’re all alone. They don’t realize that the journey isn’t easy for anyone. The grass might always look greener in another pasture, but until you have walked a mile in another man’s shoes you will never know for sure. It’s easy to sit back and imagine, but the reality of life clearly shows that nobody has an easy path. That’s what makes our lives what they are. We all make decisions that guide us in different directions and sometimes we come face to face with the devil. It’s those times when we know that we must keep faith and not sell our soul down the river because we feel as if we have no hope. Sometimes all it takes is that one extra step to get us into the clearing. It might rain for days on end, but the sun will always come out out when it subsides.  That’s what we must try to remember in the dark times.

As you go forward remember that some of those nasty internal scars that you carrry around are there so you know what to avoid in the future. They will help you enjoy every new experience to the fullest and they might guide you away from making a previous mistake again.

I’ve learned that scars are souvenirs that you never lose. I’m thankful for that because it has made me stronger, more appreciative and much more willing to give to others at all times, not just when they need it. That day with Theo, in the woods, will be with me forever. My hand hurt like hell that day, but I can look back and remember him as a baby. I’ve given him a good life and he has brought a tremendous amount of joy to my life. It’s amazing what a 13 pound dog can do for a grown man. Thank you little buddy. I love you.